Nude Erections PucKurt Surprise
by DingoAteMySpiderManCrazy
Summary: A prequel to "The Ice Prince, The Mohawk and The Princess" This is the kinda crappy story of how the New Directions found out about Puck and Kurt and Sarah. Rated for language.


_**A/N: this is a related one-shot to "The Ice Prince, The Mahawk, and The Princess", and this is how the Nude Erections *laughs hysterically* found out, and exploded... You'll probably be able to see my major dislike of several characters in this, because I really can't show them in any other way :D**_

_**I'll probably do another one-shot after this, explaining in more detail how their little family came to be :) If its like something you have read before or written, I apologise, its not intended to be! R&R if possible!**_

_**Loves!**_

_**Also to clear up a couple of things: Kurt and Noah are 19, nearing older, as they took a year off to look after Sarah. They are now seniors, and Kurt transfers later in this year, and the Puck/Quinn=Beth thing never happened either. So yeah. Lets rock it.**_

_**Warnings: Mentions of M-Preg, fluff, trucker mouths, and some shitty writing.**_

Nude Erections PucKurt Surprise

It was a cold, windy and generally depressing Friday as Kurt Hummel strolled leisurely through the emptying corridors of McKinley High School (for Neanderthals. This is in the small print) on his way to the latest Glee Club meeting.

It had been a crazy week. Finchel was currently off, and Fuinn on, so of course there was some dramatic ballads courtesy of one Rachel Barbara Berry over her grevious loss-that-won't-last-because-they'll-be-playing-tonsil-hockey-by-next-week-and-she-knows-it. Kurt involuntarily shuddered at his minds straying thoughts of heterosexual...ness. Santana was all depressed because Bartie had broken up, but Brittany had turned her down, saying it was too soon, so Kurt had to deal with a angry/crying Santana and a Brittany who was confused over why her best friend/ sex buddy was so mad at her. And Mercedes was being all weird and religious and homo-hating because of her new jock boyfriend, Shane, so they weren't speaking as of now.

He then cursed his active mind, as he had ended up nearly walking into a door and would have bruised his immaculate porcelain skin.

As he reeled them in, he neared the door, he heard the unmistakeable sounds of his crying baby girl, so he rushed into the room, ignoring the fact he was super confused about why she was there in the first place.

Sarah Puckerman-Hummel was sat with her Papa, surrounded by her Aunt Brit and San, all trying to coax out of her what was the matter, whilst a confused Mr Schue and Tike Chang-Chang looked on; thankfully the rest of Glee had yet to show, being as some classes were still in session.

Kurt dumped his messenger bag by his chair, and went over to the small whispering huddle.

At this noise, Sarah looked up from her perch on Noah's lap, saw Kurt, cried out "Daddy!" and leapt towards Kurt, burying her tear-streaked face in her Daddy's shoulder.

Mike, Tina and Will looked on in stunned disbelief.. What in the name of whatever-deity-there-is was going on here?

"Sar-Bear, whats going on? Why are you so upset? And here? I normally wouldn't pick you up from school for another hour, you have Art Club. What's up baby?" Kurt asked hurriedly; Sarah hardly ever broke down like this.

Noah spoke up with a "I had to pick her up early; her teacher didn't say why"

Another few minutes, and thankfully the rest of Glee had yet to show, and Sarah's sobs had turned into the occasional sniffle and hiccough.

She lifted her pink face from her Daddy's shoulder and looked towards her Papa and Aunts, then asking Kurt to take her over, to which he complied.

Sarah sniffled and then began to talk.

"It was j-just some stupid b-boys at sc-school who were saying some mean things about me but mostly you guys..."

Kurt and Noah exchanged a look at this; they had a feeling they knew what those little elementary and middle school shits would say to a girl with parents and family like them.

"What were they saying sweetie?" Santana asked in a voice that the three still in shock weren't used to hearing: soft and concerned.

"T-they were saying that all you guys were wrong a-and that you should die and b-burn in hell and that you were dirty and foggrats or something... But you guys can't leave me okay? You can't you can't!" and with that Sarah's sobs were renewed vigor.

Kurt began to rock her back and forth whilst the burn of tears rose in his eyes and guilt and anger rose in his chest. Their baby shouldn't have to deal with this. What the hell is wrong with the world?

Noah swore under his breath, Kurt caught the rambles "fucking kids" and "kick the shit out of those punks". Kurt was quick to put his hand over Noah's mouth so Sarah didn't hear the language, and Noah got a glare stopping all plans of killing middle and elementary school kids.

"Princess, we are not going anywhere okay? So stop thinking that right now," Kurt reprimanded sternly , Sarah stopping crying quickly after this (hey, there was a reason Noah was whipped, he was... _firm. _Not that that turned Noah on. At all. Nope. Kink free._)_

Noah picked up with "Sarie, those kids are just idiots, none of that is true. Remember what they said in Temple last weekend?" Sarah shook her head a little " God loves us all okay? He made us the way we are, and he isn't going to take any of us away because me and Daddy love each other okay?" Que an ignored gasp from other members of the room "Or because of how me, you and Daddy know how Aunt San and Brit are gonna be okay? None of that matters in the end, as long as we all love each other. We can love whoever we want, and its none of their damn business. Okay baby?"

"Okay Papa. I love you guys okay?"

"We love you too Sarah" The four chorused, beaming, relieved that the crying was over, and saddened that it had to happen in the first place.

"Can I watch you guys all sing and stuff now? I like when Papa and Daddy sing!" Sarah giggled, going back to the happy little girl they knew and loved.

"Of course, who are you gonna sit with while me and Daddy sing you a song?"

By this point, the rest of the Glee Club had assembled in the room in time for Noah's speech, and were just beginning to pick up their jaws from the floor.

What the could see before them was Puck, Kurt, Santana and Brittany surrounding a little girl who looked about 4 years old, who had long dark curls cascading to her shoulders, and Kurt's forever-changing glasz eyes, Puck's nose and mouth and Kurt's pale skin and slight build, and was wearing an outfit that only Kurt Elizabeth Hummel could have put together- a pink and black flowered dress, a light brown leather belt around her waist, and brown leather boots, with the customary Hummel scarf.

To say they were all confused was a massive understatement. It felt like brains had simultaneously melted and exploded, but they dutifully went and sat in their seats and Kurt and Puck were going to the band and telling them their song choice; their bewildered minds would interrogate afterwards.

They watched with smiles as the little girl bounded over to Santana and Brittany and snuggled between them, waiting for the song to begin.

Kurt watched smiling as Noah went and picked up his guitar and began to strum the well-known chords and decided that Noah was definitely getting fucked tonight, they'd drop Sarah off at her Grandparents and go to their apartment... He'd make it happen.

He took a breath and began to sing:

_**So lately, been wondering **_

_**Who will be there to take my place **_

_**When I'm gone, you'll need love **_

_**To light the shadows on your face  
If a greater wave shall fall **_

_**And fall upon us all T**_

_**hen between the sand and stone **_

_**Could you make it on your own? **_

Kurt flickered his eyes between his daughters and his best friend- his fiance's eyes, his love for them both rapidly swelling in his chest, overwhelming him. He had never known that he could love two people so completely, and it still scared the shit out of him sometimes, but he wouldn't trade it for anything.

_**If I could, then I would **_

_**I'll go wherever you will go **_

_**Way up high or down low **_

_**I'll go wherever you will go **_

_**And maybe I'll find out **_

_**A way to make it back someday **_

_**To watch you, to guide you **_

_**Through the darkest of your days  
If a great wave shall fall **_

_**And fall upon us all **_

_**Well then I hope there's someone out there **_

_**Who can bring me back to you **_

Noah put his guitar down at this point, and walked towards his husband-to-be, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing his forehead against his partners, needing to be close to him.

_**If I could, then I would **_

_**I'll go wherever you will go **_

_**Way up high or down low **_

_**I'll go wherever you will go **_

_**Run away with my heart **_

_**Run away with my hope **_

_**Run away with my love  
I know now, just quite how **_

_**My life and love might still go on **_

_**In your heart, in your mind **_

_**I'll stay with you for all of time **_

Both Kurt and Noah felt their little angel hug their legs, and bent down to scoop her into their arms, all three sing the Calling song.

_**If I could, then I would **_

_**I'll go wherever you will go **_

_**Way up high or down low **_

_**I'll go wherever you will go  
If I could turn back time **_

_**I'll go wherever you will go **_

_**If I could make you mine **_

_**I'll go wherever you will go **_

_**I'll go wherever you will go **_

Applause sounded throughout the room, which the three gratefully accepted and then returned to their seats, Noah kissing Kurt soundly as they sat, and sharing a small, sweet, meaningful smile with love and lust filled eyes.

Rachel Berry, being the obnoxious thing she is, decided that she should lead the round of questions, in a way that was eerily similar to a banshee on speed.

"What was that? What the hell is going on? Kurt why are you kissing _him_? Puck why are you kissing _him_? You guys shoudn't be doing that, he will only hurt you Kurt, and Puck why are you playing Kurt. You are such a horrible person! Who is that little girl and what is she doing here and calling you Daddy and Papa, and why the hell are you _laughing_ at me?"

Most questions were echoed by the rest of the Glee Club, excluding Santana, Brittany, Sam and Finn.

The 6 knowledgeable ones were bent over double laughing hysterically. These idiots were hilarious.

Kurt decided that he would have to settle it, as much as he wanted to grab Noah and Sarah and bolt from the room, but he knew the interrogation would have to happen sooner or later.

"All right! Shut your obnoxiously large mouths!" Only muttering remained "That fellow Glee Clubbers, was 'Wherever You Will Go' by The Calling, we were kissing because we're engaged, and here was me thinking you had a little common sense, but Sarah is my and Noah's daughter, and we're laughing at you because you all again, shove your abnormally large nose into my business, where it is particularly unwelcome. Is that all?"

Mercedes stood, looking furious and hurt, "White Boy, what the hell? How come you never told me you have a kid? Or that your marrying _Mohawk? _What the hell Kurt? I'm your best friend and you told Santana and Brittany!"

She quickly shut up when she was on the end of Kurt's infamous Ice Prince glare. No-one could withstand that, not even the homophobic jocks. It just made you wither and freeze inside.

"Mercedes Ann Jones, you have _no right _in the world to ask me anything after you have been behaving! You have been God-Squading fucking homophobic, and officially renounced your right to ask me to give you the time of day by doing that. You were never really a true friend, just like Rachel you ignore anything that is going on with anyone else that won't feed your over large ego. And truth be told, I always knew you would turn your back on me, so that is why I never introduced you to my daughter, because I knew you weren't a permanent fixture. Deal with it and sit the fuck down."

She dropped to her seat in shock; she couldn't believe that Kurt would say something like that to her, or that he would _swear_. She was having a major reality check.

Sarah whispered into Santana's ear "Uh-oh. She's in trouuuble. Daddy only ever full names when he's really really mad..." bringing a snicker from Noah, who knows of a couple of other times Kurt will full name him.

Tina courageously spoke up, quivering slightly in fear of Kurt's wrath. "How come Sarah looks like both of you? It's really weird..."

Noah decided he would chip in "Kurt and I have been together for like 10 years, since we were 9, and he got me pregnant when were 15... best thing we ever did."

"Wait, you guys are 19?" Mr Schue. "Wait, Puck was pregnant?" Tina. "Kurt _tops?_" Quinn.

The four in the know- Uncles and Aunts, Sam, Finn, Brittany and Santana spoke up.

"They took a year off when Sarah was born, and came back to school after." Finn.

"They only have a couple of classes here, so they can see us, but most of their classes are in OSU" Sam.

"Dolphin 2 has a genetic mutation from a drug his Ma took when he was still in her belly; it makes him able to have little baby unicorns. Lord Tubbington has it too" Brittany.

"They both do, but Kurt tops more often. Puck is quite the little screamer. Its really hot." Santana.

"Is that all folks? Sarie, wanna go home and watch a movie?"

"Yeah yeah yeah! Over the Hedge? I love that squirrel!" Both Sarah and Brittany piped up.

"Of course Angel, lets go."

"Uncle Finn, Uncle Sam, Aunt Britt and Aunt Tana? Will you come too? It is my birthday this weekend!"

Nodding their agreement, the four stood with Puck and Kurt, gathering their belongings and strolling away from the choir room, discussing the merits of different Disney vs Dreamworks, leaving behind a very shocked and bewildered Glee Club.

KPKPKPKPKPKPKPK

_**A/N: Okay, kinda sucky, but I'm sure you'll all move one.**_

_**R&R **_

_**x**_


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